Chinese Wall (Developing the 'constipated' attitude)

'You learn to sing a song, and then you never have to talk about the issues' - Billy Bulger (MA State Senate, 1978- 1995)

Its quite unfortunate

That your childishness

And insensitivity

Leave me confused

And disensitized

Its quite unfortunate

That you make assumptions

Based on past evidence

When a simple question

Could reveal all the facts

Oh how terribly unfortunate

That you are the one with the mood swings

One would think I did something wrong

So I watch in terrible disbelieve

As a friendship goes down the drain

I'm not going to be the only one

Putting in all the work

And I would hate for my actions to be misconstrued

Because you won't ask relevant questions

And choose to be in the terrible state of..

Awkward

'An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind' - (Gandhi) 

~ I believe in trust, forgiveness, communication, and friendship. I just think its the right thing to do .. its hard and all, but its possible with the right kind of help... but when people starting giving you attitude, random mood-swings ( today i'll talk to you, and laugh with you, tomorrow i'll frown at you or ignore you.. PMS/ Mid-life crisis.. who the heck knows), and acting very random and generally childish, making assumptions when they can simply ask questions or talk to you, it just portrays insensitivity, whether thats the intention or not .. and that just leads to serious swag zero. For, after all is (not said and) done, there will be absolutely nothing left. Finally you get to the 'i don't care about anything that concerns you anymore' state.. and personally, I think that's not ideal.. but alas, (yeah i just love to throw this word about, because i find it amusing), the worse case scenario is appealing because it takes two to tango, and no one wants to do the tango by themselves, nope, you don't want to be the one who is always bringing up the issues, doing all the talking, and trying to fix things. No one wants to be a perpetual babysitter... because it seems like the other person doesn't care enough to help fix anything, or perhaps they do not believe that anything needs fixing. Hmmm, tricky, init?

 ... Oh but wouldn't it be a shame if we all walked in darkness?.. 


Chale, complicated relationships are a breeding ground for misinterpreted actions. Those things are highly toxic. At some point you've either got to decide that things are spinning out of control, and you want it to stop.. or.. leave things to go downhill fast. Usually, you say 'fuck it', not because you are indifferent, but because the other person is either taking you for granted or being repetitively silly. My two cents - Communication is key. 


* Oh, just in case anyone was wondering what I mean by the constipated attitude -- well, constipated = Not giving a shit (literally). Now does anyone need any further explanation? Or do you want me to explain the 'Celibate' approach as well. :D Alright folks, have a good one!

~ Inspired by a conversation I had with a friend. Knowing my philosophy, I told the person in question to just go with the flow, after all, people get over their bullshit eventually. I mean, you need to know who you're dealing with, acknowledge (even if its much to your chagrin), that sometimes you just have to be the babysitter, and eventually things should be back to normal. lol..but if in a few weeks, homie is still acting crazy, I know she won't heed my advice. Not that I would be surprised, cos I probably wouldn't either.
Its a wrap folks... ENJOY!!! ...
                                                   I bet the neighbours know my name :D

Dys-Functional (8 years! 8years,man!)

Akorfa sat bundled up by the window. It was pouring outside. She couldn't stop the tears from pouring, no matter how fast she blinked. She felt cold, and the blanket she had wrapped around her shoulders offered no warmth or comfort. How did she get here? In this dark corner. She looked out at the storm outside and let out a piercing, sorrowful scream that surely woke at least one dead person from his eternal sleep. Stormy weather.. Yup, that was her life. 8 years! 8 long years, she had spent with him. Agreed, a quarter of the time, they spent breaking up and making up. And then he just casually strolled in one day with some feigned sadness and said, 'Boo, I have something to tell you. Don't get mad. I think I've found someone else.'

The sky looks pissed

The wind talks back

My bones are shifting in my skin

And you, my love, are gone

'Huh?!' That's all she could say. She just stared at him. Ok, for one thing, 'Boo' and 'I've found someone else' should not even be in the same sentence, but that aside, ...... 'WHAT?!!!' Akorfa blinked. The fool repeated himself. 'Babes, don't be mad. I've found someone else.' 'Ah, are you on expired weed or what? What do you mean you've found someone else? WDH!! Wait.. What?'.. She could not help the tears that came running down her cheeks. 'I see you are not in the mood to talk reasonably right now. I'll give you some time to digest the information.' He declared, and walked slowly out of her house. It cut like a knife. Why and when did he even start looking, and why didn't she get a memo, or a note, a text message, whatever, saying 'Hey boo, I'm looking. You might want to do likewise'. Then maybe she wouldn't be caught off-guard. Akorfa blinked. She was having flashbacks of last night. How was she supposed to function? She stared out at the storm outside and pulled the blanket tighter. Why did it feel like her walls were closing in on her? She let out another pained scream.

My room feels wrong

My bed won't fit

I cannot seem to operate

And you, my love, are gone

Oh she hated him! How she hated him! What an ass!! Seriously, was he for real? Damn! The guy had cheated her! Well, that was her opinion. Oh, but she still loved him. (Humph, now who was the ass?) 8 years! 8 flipping years!! Well 8 years, and he had found someone else. Out of nowhere, there was now a Madam Newly found. She wondered when exactly he achieved that feat. Considering the fact that he didn't act like someone was looking anywhere other than her doorstep. Okay, maybe he had started acting a little weird since that party three weeks ago. Hmmmmm.... She sighed. She had to move on this time. She had to let go. Oh gosh, how would she let go?

I'll never say

That i'll never love

Oh, but I don't say a lot of things

And you, my love, are gone

Akorfa pulled the blanket tighter. That didn't help. She was still shivering. Plus she needed more tissue for her eyes and nose, but she couldn't be bothered to find another pack. She didn't have the strength to do anything. She didn't have the strength to move ... she didn't have the strength to move ... on. She had to pick up the pieces somehow, and start all over. Hmmm.... empty promises! empty promises!! 8 years! 8years, man!!! She didn't know how to be in anything other than 'in a relationship'. Once in awhile, she would find her self in an 'It's complicated', but that was only when they were having their moments - the break-up/ make-up - moments. She was sad, just plain sad. She couldn't even think of any big complicated words to describe her feeling right now, just plain old SAD. The storm was subsiding.  She thought with a glimmer of hope ... What if he comes back?

So glide away on soapy heels

And promise not to promise anymore

And if you come around again

Then I will take, Then I will take

The chain from off the door

*** Ok, lovers, i knew i said i was gonna do 'diamonds on the soles of her shoes'. Will get on that soon. Hope you enjoyed this one. Toodles!

Inspiration:

'The Chain' by Ingrid Michaelson. I love her. She's amazing.

I tried to find the proper song on youtube, but couldn't. I guess she isn't that popular. I found something that sounds like a recording of a live performance though. The Chain  It sounds way better on my itunes though. LOL. I could send it to anyone who really wants it, just email me.