'Hello Daddy.'
'Yes, Akorfa, how are you?'
'Oh Fine daddy ... That's if you happen to like being me. Personally, I don't. So there you have it'
Akorfa's father was bewildered. 'Are you alright?' He asked.
'Ofcourse daddy. Ofcourse I'm okay. I'm just going through an acute case of nothingness, that's all. You know, nothing major.'
Mr. Gavor was getting slightly irritated by his daughter's responses. This was her annoying way of showing that she was still depressed.
'You know what, I'm too cool to talk to you right now, especially when you are in this mood. How about you go for a run, clear your head, call me back and talk some sense.' Mr. Gavor was amused by his own statement.
'Ei Daddy, are you calling me fat? Look, for a fat person, I'm quite skinny, okay? I'll have you know that I'm a British size 14, American size Large, and a Ghanaian size 'Not Yet As Fat As a Trader at Makorla Market'!! Now you, daddy, you on the other hand are quite enormous for a skinny old man, don't you think so?'
In my next life time remind someone please remind me not to raise my child in the States. He thought to himself. 'Look, young lady, I do not care to be addressed in such a manner. Get off my phone and call me when you're sane.'
'Oooh Daddyyyy!! Come on, I was only mucking about. You're not fat. You're not fat. You're seeeexyyy!!! Sexy Daddyyy!!!'
'Silly child. How are you? What's wrong with you this time. Spill it fast. Got a meeting in thirty.'
'Hmmm, daddy, its Kwesi oh! It's Kwesi.'
Again! He didn't like that boy at all. He didn't want to hear about him anymore. Infact, when he thought of him, the phrase goat's fart irresistibly popped into his head. He had warned her not to go for an Ashanti boyfriend, but did that girl ever listen? No! He sighed, a sorrowful sigh of a father watching his daughter waste her life, love and time on some good-for-nothing.
'I thought we agreed you would cut him out of your life?' He asked with such infinite majesty and calm that he surprised himself.
'Hmmm.. He came back daddy.' Akorfa then went on to recount the events of the morning.
*******
'The events of the morning'- Return of the Mack
Two weeks after he walked out of her life, Kwesi showed up at her doorstep with a box of Golden Tree chocolate bars - Akuaffo Bars to be precise.
'Well look what the devil dropped off in front of my house! What do you want? Mr. 'Oh, I've found someone else', what do you want here?' Her tone was unmistakably hostile, and she added gesticulations for effect.
Kwesi actually found himself smiling. Akorfa was so cute and comical, even when she was angry. If not for the box of chocolate in his right hand and bottle of champagne in his left, he would have definitely grabbed her and engaged her in a stimulating game of tongue tango.
'I'm so sorry, boo. I'm so sorry. I want you, and no one else. Can I come in?' The truth was that he had 'lost' that which he had 'found', hence he was back to what he had left behind.
'My friend, beat it! Beat it before I call some to come beat it for you! Oh but leave the stuff you brought though.' Her eyes were shooting arrows of fire at him as she folded her arms beneath her bosom.
An expression of serious concern failed to cross Kwesi's face as he watched Akorfa at her worst. She felt like stabbing him in the heart and watching him as he bled to death. As she watched his life slip away, she would, ofcourse, be sipping on that champagne he brought and grinning the sort of grin that got people locked up in padded rooms.
'Just listen to me. I'm begging you.' He pleaded.
How was it possible that someone's son could so greatly affect her thinking processes? She loved him more than he loved her, and she knew it. Akorfa stared at his face for a long time, stared at his hands , stared at his feet and then turned around, leaving the door ajar.
Baby, you've got the sort of hands to rip me apart
And baby, you've got the sort of face to start this old heart
But your eyes are warning me this early morning
That my love's too big for you, my love
Baby, you've got the sort of laugh that waters me
And makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me
I find you stunning, but you are running me down
My love's too big for you, my love
My love's too big for you, my love
' Okay, talk!' She said impatiently.
' I'm so sorry, Akorfa. I'm so so sorry. I know what I want now, and its you.'
'So, Kwesi, after 8 years you only just found out what you wanted? What were you doing with me?'
He was quiet. She remembered how he had broken the news to her, with no remorse whatsoever.
'Akorfa, I'm sorry, and I love you. That's all that matters.'
Akorfa threw her hands up in the air. ' Dude! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's all you ever say. How about you stop doing that you'll later be sorry for. Sometimes I think you do these things just because you get a bunch of kicks out of hurting me.'
Kwesi wasn't really listening to her. His mind had drifted far away. He had Ofosuaa on his mind. Why didn't she want him anymore? He missed her. He missed kicking it with her. He found her far more exciting than Akorfa. Plus, in bed she was down for anything. All he had to do was suggest it. Not that Akorfa wasn't a freak. She was, but Ofosuaa was on a whole new level. Okay, he had to snap out of it. Ofosuaa was gone, and Akorfa was here. Akorfa would always be here.
'Akorfa, please just give me another chance. We'll make it work. I promise'
'Baloney! Kwesi, You're so full of shit!' She yelled as she kept pounding at his chest with her fist.
This time his hands were free, so he didn't hesitate to grab her by the buttocks and kiss her passionately. For your information, that effectively shut her up. Three hours later, a very naked Kwesi walked to the kitchen to grab a snack, and an equally very naked Akorfa hated herself.
Baby, you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales
That your sort of mouth just will not say, the truth impales
That you don't need me, but you won't leave me
My loves too big for you, my love
My loves too big for you, my love
And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again
Naked Kwesi came back with a bowl of cookie dough ice cream and two spoons. He sat next to her on the carpet and handed her a spoon as he planted a huge kiss on her forehead. 'I love you', He said. Darn, she almost believed him now. She was so confused. What was she doing? She had to end this vicious cycle, before this man sent her to her grave. What if he was for real this time though? She rested her head on his shoulder and traced circles on his right thigh. Circles! This man had her going in circles. They were going nowhere. She had to accept that this relationship was not working. The problem, however was that Kwesi controlled her, in a messed up sort of way. He had a way of defying the right side of her brain, seducing it, defeating it, and rendering it completely and utterly useless.
'Tomorrow, I'll figure it out tomorrow' She thought to herself as she licked of the drops of melted ice cream that had fallen on Kwesi's chest ...
Tell me what to do, to take away the 'you'
Tell me what to do, to take away the 'you'
Tell me what to do, to take away the 'you'
Tell me what to do, to take away the 'you'
And if I was stronger then I would tell you No.
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again
*******
Ofcourse, when Akorfa told her dad the story, she ended at 'Akorfa, give me another chance. We'll make it work'... and then she added 'So we are kinda back together' He has gone home though.
'Hmmm, sometimes my daughter can be so depressingly stupid!' Mr. Gavor thought to himself. '.. and as for that miserable heap of Ashanti nothingness. He should just pray I never catch him, because if I do I will make him regret the day he was born or (if Kwesi was a smarter person) regret the day that he, Gavor, was born instead.
'Look, Akorfa, you need to stop this nonsense. You aren't helping yourself. This Kwesi boy is just wasting your time. You're getting old oh! Call him. Call him and tell him to leave you alone for good. Forget about him! Tell him to take his bullshit apology and rubbish love, roll it up nicely, and SHOVE IT!!!! After he is done with that he should carry himself and go stick his head in a goat! That's all I have to say. Now, stop being an idiot.' Gavor was now shouting into the receiver.
Akorfa thought about what her dad had just said. She knew what she had to do. She wasn't a complete moron. It was just easier said than done. 'Daddy, how do I even start to move on?'
'Prayer, Akorfa. Prayer, Self-Control, Loved-Ones, Good Sense, and a Positive Attitude. You'll find someone else. Remember, the glass is half full, not half empty.' The worried father was determined to shake his daughter back to sanity.
'Ah! This old man! What has the glass analogy got to do with her predicament? Who cares if the glass is half full or half empty, as long as there's some rum in there.' She thought, and smiled at her foolishness. She understood what her dad was saying though. She had to get it together.
'Thank you so much daddy. I love you! Project - Flush Kwesi Outta My System: Total Detoxification, has began. Now go off to your meeting. I think you're late. Sorry for keeping you on the phone.'
'What are fathers for? Come home tonight, okay. I've missed you. Will talk to you soon. Bye'
~ Doesn't this so remind you of 'energy', by Keri hilson?
I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy
How do we reverse the chemistry
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love has taken all of my energy.. my energy
~ The Picture - 'Confusion' Painting by Keenya Woods
Inspired by : Song 'Sort Of' by Ingrid Michaelson.
Totally unrelated : I was listening to 'When I fall in love' the remix of the Nat King Cole version by Boys2Men, feat. M. Buble, one of my all time favs... and L.O.V.E by Nat King Cole too. Was also listening to 'Misty Blue' and 'Time after Time', the Boys2Men remix. These were the songs I was listening to as I wrote this post. Go listen, and enjoy!
