No Competition

I'm eager to play games with you

Nothing intense, no injuries involved

Something fun and simple

Maybe 'Uno' or 'Twister'

Yet these things you do not seem to understand

How do I explain? How do I teach?

When all you've ever been used to is 'fencing'

Fencing with one who left you

Left you with scars that refuse to heal

Left you with indelible marks

Indelible marks that I cannot compete with

That I will not compete with

I will not compete
You refuse to be taught
You refuse to be fixed
You remain 'en garde'

So I will not compete
Not with you
Not with your ghosts
Not with the one who haunts you

I will not
Compete

~ For  L.A.
Need i say more. Not everything has to be a competition, not everything has to be work.

"And so it goes, the soldier knows, the battle with the heart isn't easily won... but it can be won" Ingrid Michaelson

The Climb - The View at The Top

' They take pictures of mountain climbers at the top of the mountain. They are smiling, ecstatic, triumphant!  They don't take pictures along the way, cos who wants to remember the rest of it. We push ourselves because we have to, not because we like it. The relentless climb, the pain and anguish of taking it to the next level.. nobody takes pictures of that. Nobody wants to remember. We just want to remember the view from the top. The breathtaking moment at the edge of the world. That's what keeps us climbing, and its worth the pain. That's the crazy part, its worth anything. '

When I think of You and I

I think of roller coasters, Ups and Downs

Joy and laughter, Tears and sorrow

Stormy weather, Sunshine and Cool breeze

Yet the word 'irreplaceable' comes irresistibly to mind

For through the blood and the toil

The mood swings and the heartaches

The uncertainty and instability

We have kept it all together

We held each other by the hand

And climbed on to the top

Knowing that we would not have made it apart

And as I peer down at everything beneath me

Reaching out my hands and touching the clouds

Knowing that you are the only wind I feel

Beneath, above and around me, you're all I feel

Your sexiness overwhelms me

Confuses me and numbs me

And suddenly all the pain I ever felt is forgotten

And the climb is worth it

Being with you is worth anything

                                                         .... Shels

Subject To Your Own Interpretation

Chinese Wall (Developing the 'constipated' attitude)

'You learn to sing a song, and then you never have to talk about the issues' - Billy Bulger (MA State Senate, 1978- 1995)

Its quite unfortunate

That your childishness

And insensitivity

Leave me confused

And disensitized

Its quite unfortunate

That you make assumptions

Based on past evidence

When a simple question

Could reveal all the facts

Oh how terribly unfortunate

That you are the one with the mood swings

One would think I did something wrong

So I watch in terrible disbelieve

As a friendship goes down the drain

I'm not going to be the only one

Putting in all the work

And I would hate for my actions to be misconstrued

Because you won't ask relevant questions

And choose to be in the terrible state of..

Awkward

'An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind' - (Gandhi) 

~ I believe in trust, forgiveness, communication, and friendship. I just think its the right thing to do .. its hard and all, but its possible with the right kind of help... but when people starting giving you attitude, random mood-swings ( today i'll talk to you, and laugh with you, tomorrow i'll frown at you or ignore you.. PMS/ Mid-life crisis.. who the heck knows), and acting very random and generally childish, making assumptions when they can simply ask questions or talk to you, it just portrays insensitivity, whether thats the intention or not .. and that just leads to serious swag zero. For, after all is (not said and) done, there will be absolutely nothing left. Finally you get to the 'i don't care about anything that concerns you anymore' state.. and personally, I think that's not ideal.. but alas, (yeah i just love to throw this word about, because i find it amusing), the worse case scenario is appealing because it takes two to tango, and no one wants to do the tango by themselves, nope, you don't want to be the one who is always bringing up the issues, doing all the talking, and trying to fix things. No one wants to be a perpetual babysitter... because it seems like the other person doesn't care enough to help fix anything, or perhaps they do not believe that anything needs fixing. Hmmm, tricky, init?

 ... Oh but wouldn't it be a shame if we all walked in darkness?.. 


Chale, complicated relationships are a breeding ground for misinterpreted actions. Those things are highly toxic. At some point you've either got to decide that things are spinning out of control, and you want it to stop.. or.. leave things to go downhill fast. Usually, you say 'fuck it', not because you are indifferent, but because the other person is either taking you for granted or being repetitively silly. My two cents - Communication is key. 


* Oh, just in case anyone was wondering what I mean by the constipated attitude -- well, constipated = Not giving a shit (literally). Now does anyone need any further explanation? Or do you want me to explain the 'Celibate' approach as well. :D Alright folks, have a good one!

~ Inspired by a conversation I had with a friend. Knowing my philosophy, I told the person in question to just go with the flow, after all, people get over their bullshit eventually. I mean, you need to know who you're dealing with, acknowledge (even if its much to your chagrin), that sometimes you just have to be the babysitter, and eventually things should be back to normal. lol..but if in a few weeks, homie is still acting crazy, I know she won't heed my advice. Not that I would be surprised, cos I probably wouldn't either.
Its a wrap folks... ENJOY!!! ...
                                                   I bet the neighbours know my name :D

Tears in Heaven

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven

Will it be the same

If I saw you in heaven

I must be strong, and carry on

Cos I know, I don't belong

Here in heaven

Heaven

In your heaven

You've got me trapped

You, my master

Me, your slave

Infinite stupidity

The story of my life

I think about what we have

A pile of nothingness

I ask you, omnipotent one

I ask, who am I?

I ask, who are you?

I ask, what are we?

The silence speaks volumes

For I mean nothing

.. am nothing.. to you

Yet you trap me

In your heaven

Would you hold my hand

If I saw you in heaven

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in heaven

I'll find my way, through night and day

Cos I know, I just can't stay

Here in Heaven

Promises

All empty

Empty barrel

Why do you remain silent?

When I ask, Omniscient one

Where are we heading?

Or why do you do the things you do?

I guess you feel no need for noise

Empty! Empty! Empty Barrel!

Yet you've got me trapped

In what I thought was heaven

Trapped in your web

An intricately woven web of bullshit

And though it stinks as hell

I'm trapped here in your heaven

Clearly a dilemma

For being trapped means suffocating

Being trapped means death

See, I just can't stay

I don't belong

Time can bring you down

Time can bend your knee

Time can break your heart

Have you begging please

Begging ... please ... 

For you I've shed many a tear

I've begged and I've pleaded

My knees are weak

My heart is bleeding

So out the door I go

I'll miss the laughter

I'll miss your touch

I'll miss the good stuff

But you have a wicked heart

In your heaven, I am nothing

For every smile, for every laugh

I cried ten times more

For every caress, for every kiss

You pushed me and crushed me

ten times more, ten times harder

So I cannot shed another tear

Not for you, or anybody

For I know

I don't belong

In this heaven

Beyond the door

There's peace I'm sure

And I know, there'll be no more

Tears in heaven

Yet its hard not to cry

When I'm not sure what exactly is outside

But it must be better than this hellish heaven

Outside heaven, there is light

Outside heaven, there is hope

The irony of it all

So I walk towards the door

Not looking back

Still teary eyed

Sad, yet hopeful

Angry as hell

Out of your heaven

Hope it gives you hell!

Cos I know, I don't belong

Here in heaven

And I know , there'll be no more

Tears in heaven

~ Inspired by Eric Clapton. Not quite sure this is what he had in mind though.

The deepest cut

Its sad how time passes by

You think you've learnt from all mistakes

You count your hurts as lessons learned

You're so sure next time logic will prevail

And then when history repeats itself

You realize you make the same mistakes

Maybe because you are dying to trust

Or maybe because it comes as a friend

So you're blinded to the writings on the wall

And that's the saddest part of it all

That every time hurt is clad in different attire

You never realize that doom lies ahead

Until its too late yet again

And salty tears come pouring down




For MishMashMuahYang, my 'wife' and 'worst half'. lol
See, black roses, genetically modified, Inspired
Sad though, who would want black roses?

  ~ The most painful wound is the one inflicted by a friend ... someone who really doesn't care enough ... and yet doesn't have the balls to admit it. Unfortunately there are a lot of those around. 'Scissors, scissors, where art thou? Sometimes, its best to cut them off!'



ps. Chale, sorry about the sad poems... they come naturally chale..if only the convos i had with people were more joyful, maybe i wouldn't have something sad to write about, and if only people started thinking before they acted and stopped being so selfish, maybe we'll have more happy posts. Tomorrow, maybe, tomorrow.

Buble Buble... makes me bubbly bubbly.

There's this Michael Buble song that I absolutely adore, just though I would share the lyrics with you. 


EVERYTHING - MICHAEL BUBLE

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah



Now that makes for a good poem doesn't it?  M. Buble is amazing you should youtube his music, or buy his album or something.
Other M.B. songs that I love include, "It had better be tonight", "Save the last dance for me", "Sway", "Lost"

Investments and Dividends

I was ready to invest

Everything i thought was valuable

I expected return on my investments

No matter how small

At least to show that all was not a waste

Time, effort, and the whole shebang

Prospective investments came along

And finally I had a solid portfolio

... Or so i thought

Grade AAA class bonds

At least that's what I was made to believe

I was so proud of my portfolio

I kept investing and investing

In these 'so called' assets

Then the credit crunch hit

The market collapsed

And oh did it hit me bad!

Suddenly I painfully began to realize

That those prized assets I held so dearly

Where completely worthless

Junk bonds parading themselves as grade A

Some of my so-called assets did not exist

A Ponzi scheme indeed!

Indeed I was shuttered

For I had invested in worthless rubbish
I had been stitched up!
Something chronic too!

But I counted my losses

And accepted them for what they were

Now I relieve myself of the junk

For they are liabilities

In no way, shape or form,

Will they ever be assets

I've learnt my lessons

Investment 101

... And call me utterly stupid

But I just might head for the bond market yet again.

~ For Ru-Ru, Pof, Mushi and Bentoa

    Thats why there's this thing called select and delete, init? o gosh, priceless! lmao!

To my Peeps - A toast to self-happiness and good times

After a long day
Hustle and bustle
Stress and more stress
I find no greater joy
Than to just kick it
With 'y'all all'
Because you make me smile
You make me laugh my ass off
You make me SMH..
Its amazing how much fun we have together
In that secluded village of ours
I got your back
And you hold on tight to mine as well
Ups and downs, we obviously have
But through it all
There's always one thing we know for sure
When it boils down to it
We're one people and we share a special bond
I may not have ever said this
So I might as well say it now
So if you didn't know now you know
I LOVE '' Y'ALL ALL'
Now SMILE make I see your DIMPLE (DIMPOL)


         ~ For my FandM peeps...especially the summer peeps...SIMPOL DIMPOL!!! OHHH MY GAAALLLDDD!!!! Love u, miss u!

The Long walk

I strolled out the door
Heavy heart on my sleeve
Properly Armed and ready to attack
Anyone who attempted to bruise my bare heart
Equally ready to tuck it back in
If I failed to secure and protect it
I strolled out the door
And I just walked
In no particular direction
I just walked
And Oh did I see a 1000 things
On this random walk, I walked
Oh did my eyes almost go blind
On this random walk, I walked
And then I felt a comforting presence
Walking two steps behind me
And then walking right beside me
.. Hello ..
I responded with a warm smile
In silence we walked
On this random walk, I walked
I did not tire, neither did you
And when we both got tired
We held each other's hands
And we kept walking in silence
And when I stumbled, fell and cried
You wiped away my tears
And when you bruised your knee
I rubbed it and made you forget the pain
And we walked
On this random walk that I walked alone
And I always thought you would take the next exit
But you kept walking with me
And when I decided it was time to go back home
You still walked with me
All the way back home
So I made you dinner
And we talked about everything and nothing
Our friendship established
Endless possibilities awaiting...
My heart smiled.. My heart was light
I sighed..
I will not be walking alone tomorrow


          ~For DJ. Ru!!!

Skip the bullsh*t

I know how this works

You look at me and smile

You think at that point of momentary insanity

I want her

I need her

I must have her

You turn on the charm

I think at that point of momentary insanity

I want him

I need him

Oh I might just love him

Somehow you sweep me off my feet

Of course it takes some time and effort

So far as I'm concerned its worth it

I go with the flow

Basking in that natural high

But we both know its not gonna last

We've been through this before

So why don't you spare me the bullshit

Let's skip the whole thing

I have too much on my mind

Too much to deal with

No time to waste

I really cannot stop

To pick up the pieces of broken-heart

So I meet your gaze with a smile

Head high, with my youthful grace

I say my hello, hi theres ..

.. And walk away

~ AngieStone and Borla

It's The Thought That Counts

How many times have we heard the phrase "It's the thought that counts". For awhile i have been wondering if it is really 'the thought' that counts. Shouldn't we be saying something like 'I appreciate the thought' or 'That was a nice thought'? People try to do the right thing, or try to do nice things to other people. They obviously have good intentions and the end result is supposed to be worth the effort. However, when that backfires, how can we honestly say that it is the 'thought' that counts? Shouldn't it be the 'end result' that counts? Let's look at a few hypothetical situations.

- You wake up in the morning feeling like "I got a feeling..that tonight's gonna be a good night, that tonight's gonna be a good good night...". You plan on praying, having some one on one time with the G.O.D, but something comes up and you don't. Is it really the thought that counts? (Luckily God is just a merciful God. It doesn't change the fact that prayer is important though). If your day .. and night doesn't go as planned, will go back and say "Oh, i planned on praying and then something came up." Don't you usually go like "Shoot, i should have prayed this morning"?

- Its your friends birthday. You want her to love your gift. You buy her an I-Phone. She receives the gift. She hates it  (You see, she is into Blackberries) .. or her boyfriend also got her an I-Phone. Obviously she'll keep the I-Phone her boyfriend gave her, who knows what she's gonna do with yours. Its the 'thought' the 'counts' right? 

- This is going to raise a few eye-brows but whatever, I am making a point. You have this girlfriend, wife, cuddy buddy, whatever... you plan on giving her the best head ever. In fact she expects the best head ever. Now, one would think that would be a 'sure banker' way to an orgasm for her. You fail miserably. She doesn't even come close to cuming. She is cranky for the rest of the week.....but ofcourse its the thought that counts, right?

- You see an old lady about to cross the street. You also so a bus coming at her at full speed, ok. You try to shout, to alert her, forgetting you have a bad sore throat and have lost your voice. Obviously, you try to scream, but that just doesn't happen. Home girl down! Yes you will go home thinking it was the thought that counts? On her way to heaven or hell, she will be thinking it will be giving credit to your thoughts?

- You have an interview at 2 p.m. For some reason you will not be able to make it. You plan on calling to reschedule. You forget. In this recession! Yes, go and tell them that its the thought that counts.

Ok, i'm tired of typing out examples. As i was saying, I am not quite sure about the expression "It is the thought that counts". Sometimes we must give others credit for attempting to do something, whether it actually turned out well or not, whether that was what you expected or not. Where do we draw the line though. Why do we always try to give credit where credit is not due. I understand that some people have genuinely good intentions. They simply can't deliver. We must appreciate them still, because they were nice enough to even make the attempt. However should we say 'It's the thought that counts'? I guess when people say that, they are really just showing appreciation (and you do deserve that) ... but I personally think its the end product that makes all the difference. I appreciate the thought, ofcourse, and i love you for it..... it counts for something, my friendship.. but does it count for my trust.. if i was dying would i call you? ..when i know they most often than not, backfire? your thoughts would kill me!

Just something to think about..

Do You Feel Special?

Okay someone dared me to put this up, so i have! (Borla, have u seen?) Please no one should judge me :-)

Sometimes i really really need to pee but i hold it in 

Because i want to keep talking to you

Because those conversations are so fascinating

You challenge me

You make me smile

You make me LOL like its nobody's business

You play with my mind

I play with yours

We argue

We agree 

We discuss

We plan

We LOL again and again

Oh wink at me one more time

Smiley Face!

Oh where did you get that cool emoticon?

I can't seem to get away from my laptop

I wish i could type one more word

But i really really need to pee

BRB!!!!

~ For Mr. Baker & Mr. Borla

Untamable You

Sometimes i wonder

If its all worth it

Me - so calm 

You - so wild, running free

Sometimes  i ponder

On things said and things done

It seems You and I can only run for awhile

But for how long

For how long can I run

Trying to keep up with you

Wild..

Free..

Untamable You